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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25404154">The Great Marital Accord</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>What We Do in the Shadows (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dorks in Love, F/M, Fingering, Laszlo Takes The Strap, Lots of acrobatic stuff, Sex, Top!Nadja, also cw: mention of historical homophobia, ball-slapping, canon divergent in the fact that laszlo eats out his wife because of course he does, did i say sex, fight me jemaine, just a married couple doing their thing, there's some mild flying if that entices you</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:06:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,228</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25404154</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Nadja and Laszlo are a couple of horny perverts in love and I like to think Nadja tops him when the mood strikes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Laszlo Cravensworth/Nadja</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Great Marital Accord</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>shout out to the fine folks at the discord for the never-ending ideas, jokes, and headcanons. i‘m constantly learning from your big brains and cracking up. I hope this does this idea and these characters justice</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“As you can probably tell, my good lady wife and I enjoy quite the <i>extravaganza eleganza</i> of erotic delights in our lovemaking.” Laszlo was telling the camera in one of their weekly "talking head" interviews. The producer had asked them to talk about their secret to keeping a strong relationship after so many years together. Nadja grinned dorkily in agreement from the chair next to him.<br/>
</p><p>“Yes, see, as vampires, we have lived for centuries." She explained. "If we did the same thing all the time, it would be terribly boring. Really droll stuff.” Laszlo nodded in agreement and waved a hand around as he thought aloud,<br/>
</p><p>“I think the last time we partook in the traditional Missionary position was in 1892.” He said matter-of-factly. Nadja shook her head in disgust.<br/>
</p><p>“I fell asleep.” She said, making a face to the camera.<br/>
</p><p>“As did I. No climax was to be had that night, unless you would count a loud snore as a climax.” Laszlo said, looking to the side. Nadja nodded, suddenly sitting forward as a thought struck her, a firey expression flashing across her face.<br/>
</p><p>“And you know, humans can be so uptight about the sex! It’s like one minute they’re chopping your dick or your vagina off for enjoying yourself, and then a couple decades later, they say ‘Oh, we have changed our mind, it’s all groovy now, have a good time, don’t forget a sheepskin so you don't get a sick dick!’” She said heatedly, then settled back in the couch with a huff. “I stopped paying attention to their wishy-washyness centuries ago.” She finished, waving her hand dismissively.<br/>
</p><p>“Quite right,” Laszlo started thoughtfully, “I remember a young cattlemeister in my village was sentenced to be hanged for what the Court Judge at the time called ‘crimes against nature, up to and including sodomy’.” He pointed to the camera, sitting forward in his seat. “And I thought, ‘now, what the hell is that, and why would someone get hanged for it?’ I asked the woman next to me, she was quite the gossip, and it turns out it's apparently the delicate art of taking someone or something up the arse. Well, let’s just say, I was immediately intrigued.” Laszlo grinned at the camera with a satisfied smirk. "I rushed up to that podium, cut him down, and we spent a lovely summer together in Bexhill." The camera panned to Nadja, who raised her eyebrows in emphasis, a cheeky smile on her face. "That was before I met my lovely wife Nadja, of course." He grasped her hand and gave it a gentle kiss. Nadja smiled as she watched him, then turned to the camera crew, asking,<br/>
</p><p>"They don't still do that, do they? If so, Laszlo, my dear, what would you say to executioner for dinner tonight?" He pondered it, then shook his head.<br/>
</p><p>“They would taste far too rancid, my sweet.”
Nadja tilted her head, conceding the point.</p><p> “Hmm. That’s a shame.”</p><p>
-----------------------------------<br/>
Nadja pranced into the crypt she shared with Laszlo, waving a silicone cock in a leather harness in her hand with childish exuberance. A ridiculous grin was dancing on her face. Laszlo looked up from the book he had splayed casually on his lap.<br/>
</p><p>“My darlinggg! I was up in the attic and look what I found!” She called. Laszlo let out a scrumptious chortle, raising an eyebrow.<br/>
She jumped onto him, which elicited a “humph!” from him as she straddled his lap, throwing her arms around his neck and peppering kisses onto his cheek. He took her head in his hands and directed her mouth towards his, encasing her hungrily with an open mouthed kiss, their tongues grazing dangerously across fangs. She pulled back from him after a few moments, looking at him heatedly.<br/>
</p><p>“I have a few ideas of what we could do with that.” Laszlo said with a wide smile, pointing to the toy in her hand, an eyebrow wiggling. Nadja tossed it into the couch and pawed at him, giggling.<br/>
</p><p>In a flurry of limbs and fabric, they made quick work of removing their clothes, and Nadja dropped back onto his lap, the beginnings of her wetness gliding tantalizingly over his textured, blotchy-colored crotch (Guillermo had offered one night, after one too many conversations in the fancy room about Laszlo’s Leprosy-afflicted nether-regions, to go find some pills or ointment to clear it up for him. Nadja had quickly shut his suggestion down, proudly claiming that the many bumps actually brought her to more pleasurable climaxes. Guillermo had got up and left the room at that point).<br/>
</p><p>She pushed Laszlo’s lightly hairy chest gently, and he laid back happily on the settee. She leaned forward, her hands curling over the back of the couch, offering a breast to him, which he took to, lavishing her with kisses and suckling on her nipples. She gasped, grinding against him, feeling her arousal coiling.<br/>
</p><p>“Oh that is lovely, my sweet. Very nice.” She purred. After a moment she found she was too excited about what was to come, and pulled away.<br/>
Gently crawling down him, she made her way to the floor, holding onto each of his curvy thighs with her long fingers as she lowered to her knees, her long fingernails threatening to pierce his skin, as she gently spread his legs wider. She placed a small kiss on the tip of his burdgeoning erection, then reached under the crooks of his knees, pulling him forward. He let out a humph, a small laugh bubbling up.<br/>
</p><p>“Feeling handsy tonight, hmm?” He murmered luxuriously. Nadja placed an open mouthed kiss to the inside of Laszlo’s thigh, a small, dark laugh falling from her mouth as she trailed her fangs down his tender flesh, her eyes flashing. She pulled the leg over her shoulder, opening him up for easier access to where she intended to go. Laszlo was breathing heavily now. Nadja sucked in a finger and then began working it gently inside him. He was groaning her name, his face scrunched, black nail-polished fingers grasping at the couch cushions for stability.<br/>
</p><p>“You feel so good around my finger, my love, I have half a mind to take you right now.” She murmured. Laszlo opened his eyes and looked down at her, his face slack with pleasure. She continued her ministrations, slipping another digit inside him. His head fell back again with a groan as he leaned into the pressure, matching her now rocking rhythm. She reached up with her free hand and gave his cock a few merciful pumps, drinking in the sight of him completely at her mercy. She loved this passionate, stupid man very much, she thought to herself.<br/>
</p><p>After a moment she took her fingers out, and Laszlo winced at the sudden emptiness. He opened his eyes again, looking at her raptly. She pulled the leather strap-on off of the couch, maintaining eye contact with her heavy-lidded husband as she stood up, slowly threading her legs through the straps. She pulled it taut around her hips, tightening the small straps that hung loosely on the side so that it sat snugly against her, each cool leather strip hugging a different curve of her backside. The silicone between her legs rubbed against her mons and felt heavy. Heady. Laszlo’s pupils were blown wide and he licked his lips. His cock, now fully erect and laying against his stomach, twitched at the sight. A small shudder wracked over Nadja’s body, as a heated anticipation washed over her. She stroked the silicone cock a few times, Laszlo’s eyes following her raptly.<br/>
</p><p>“Do you want this, my big, strong man?” She asked sweetly, and Laszlo shuddered, his face as excited as a child on Christmas morning. Nadja knew that look, and didn’t wait for an answer.<br/>
</p><p>“Then turn over.” She growled, and flipped him easily so he was on his knees, his hands grasping the back of the couch. He let out a breath bordering on a gasp, the wind nearly knocked out of him.<br/>
</p><p>Rubbing up his back with both hands, Nadja felt beautiful, powerful. A few centuries ago, when their lovemaking had progressed from her coyly riding atop him as she had done in her somewhat unsatisfying and stifled adolescent dalliances, to him gruffly asking her to take control, to give it to him good, Nadja had immediately taken to it without a look back. She had been firey even before becoming a blood-sucking creature of the night, and absolutely relished the opportunity to feel the flames consume her. She grabbed both shoulders and rutted against him. He gasped, his head falling back.<br/>
His head dropped back down and he looked back at her from under his eyelashes, rumbling, playing into the sense of control,<br/>
</p><p>“You’re rather intimidating, my beautiful mistress of the night. My vampire lover. My queen.” She growled again at his praise, and kneaded his plentiful cheeks harshly, admiring him, before sucking on two of her fingers, wetting them with her saliva. She rubbed teasingly again at his taut hole, drinking in the soft moans and grunts that tumbled out of his mouth, watching his face as small expressions flitted across it like insect’s wings. She leaned forward, administering a gentle open lipped kiss to his shoulder blade, then drew back her hand from him, and with a quick slap of her open palm, hit him in the  balls. He shuddered and cried out. She then reached below to grab at his cock, giving him a few good rubs as he whined in ecstacy, then pulled her hand from him again, causing a disappointed whine to fall from his core. She leaned back so she was standing back up, the weight of the silicone cock in her hand, poised at his hole.<br/>
</p><p>“Is this what you want, my love? My naughty boy. Tell me you want my cock inside you.” She said, trailing the nails of one hand down his backside. He whined, hoarsely croaking out,<br/>
</p><p>“Please.”<br/>
</p><p>“What was that, Laszlo? Please, what?”<br/>
</p><p>“I want your cock inside me. Nadja. Please. I am yours for the taking.” He breathed.<br/>
</p><p>“That’s right.” She pushed forward. He groaned loudly as she slowly entered him. She stroked slowly a few times before quickly setting a fast pace, watching as he bounced against her. She reached down as she continued pumping her hips and pulled up one of Laszlo’s legs by the ankle, then the other, resting them on each of her shoulders. She had to lift herself a few inches off the ground to keep hitting into him at the right angle, but made it work. The angle gave her better purchase of even deeper inside him, and the stretch in his legs reminded him of something he had seen Lillith practice a few times that she had referred to as ‘yoga’. Nadja was starting to unravel, the sheer power in the position overtaking her, her hips jerking with less rhythm and more staccato-esque bursts. If the sounds Laszlo was making below her were any indication, he was beginning to unravel as well. She pulled out of him at length with a breath, and he turned over, sliding down the couch until he was seated on the ground, face turned upwards. Nadja, taking the hint, dropped her bushy slit onto his mouth, pulling the dildo up to give him better access as he slipped his tongue along her slick, salty folds. She whined as his tongue circled her sensitive clit, lapping it with affection and intensity. Laszlo reached down between his own legs in an effort to bring himself towards some form of relief. Nadja threaded her fingers through his hair for a moment, grinding against him before leaning backwards, eager to take him in her mouth. In a surprisingly athletic move, she bent her body in a near circle, placing her hands on the floor. Her ribs stretched pleasingly and her nipples perked up at the frigid air, as she sucked her man’s textured cock into her mouth, grazing him with her fangs. Laszlo moaned as he continued suckling at her, bringing his mouth up to suck directly on her clit. The combination of thrilling sensations brought her rushing to release, a cry pulled out from her chest as her inner walls contracted. She ground down on his face, smearing his mouth with her juices, her tender clit throbbing. Through her orgasm she was aware of hot semen filling her mouth, and she let it dribble out the sides of her lips, falling over Laszlo’s cock.<br/>
</p><p>With a pleased sigh, Nadja kicked her legs over her head, pulling off of Laszlo’s bearded face, and gently landed on her feet. She looked down at him. He looked absolutely absurd, a blissed out grin on his face, his hair askew, one arm leaned up against the couch to hold him up. A warm part of her was tempted to curl up under that arm and fall asleep there, but they were both far too slimy and sweaty for any such thing. She unfastened the straps of the harness, letting it drop to the floor and kicking it aside before falling gently to her knees. She straddled Laszlo’s legs, placing a kiss on his lips, then stood back up, pulling his hand with her.<br/>
</p><p>“Come. Let’s get you a towel and some dinner.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As always, kudos and comments appreciated  especially if you read this far!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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